My first question..."making money off this thing"? You plannin' on a professional writing career or something?
Since this is a small excerpt, it's hard for me to say too much about it...I see lots of good impulses here, like descriptive language that helped me visualize, and a memorable character name...Kaj? Where did you come up with that?
Still I'm not sure how to respond. You say the writing is bad, but why? Where do you think it can improve?
Hi Freddy! 1) Yes, I plan on being some sort of author and making some money off of that. :) 2) Haha, glad you like his name. It's pronounced like "Jack" except backwards, and that's actually how I came up with it... Ahaha... 3) I say it's bad because it hasn't been edited yet and I'm slightly subconscious about... any writing I do, really. :P It's hard to write a book because I start thinking that I'm using a certain descriptive word too much or something.
1. That is music to my ears. Go get 'em. 2. .looC ?he ,sdrawkcab kcaJ 3. Yes, writing quickly leads to self-consciousness for many writers. Actually the same thing I praised in my previous comment (your descriptive language) you've also identified here as something you could use LESS of. I can see that. You've got a knack for it, that much is clear, but I think I can see where some of your extra adjectives/adverbs could be cut to benefit the overall flow. Try trimming some back and seeing how it flies?
I'm trying to do just that, it's just that one of my personal nightmares is becoming one of those people that always says "good", "bad", "walk", and other basic words. Thanks, though. :) I'll try harder.
No, no. I don't mean to water down your word choice. I mean use fewer words to begin with. There's a critical difference. People with good vocabularies (such as yourself) often feel a subconscious need to deploy tons of words at once, which is not the strategy. Do not let your vocab master you...YOU master IT. That's what I mean by "trimming some back."
Yeah, yeah, I understand. I've actually felt something bothering me for a while and I've been trying to figure out what, and when I read your comment my brain went *DING!* and everything made sense.
Chapter WHO? 11?!
ReplyDeleteMy first question..."making money off this thing"? You plannin' on a professional writing career or something?
Since this is a small excerpt, it's hard for me to say too much about it...I see lots of good impulses here, like descriptive language that helped me visualize, and a memorable character name...Kaj? Where did you come up with that?
Still I'm not sure how to respond. You say the writing is bad, but why? Where do you think it can improve?
Hi Freddy!
ReplyDelete1) Yes, I plan on being some sort of author and making some money off of that. :)
2) Haha, glad you like his name. It's pronounced like "Jack" except backwards, and that's actually how I came up with it... Ahaha...
3) I say it's bad because it hasn't been edited yet and I'm slightly subconscious about... any writing I do, really. :P It's hard to write a book because I start thinking that I'm using a certain descriptive word too much or something.
1. That is music to my ears. Go get 'em.
ReplyDelete2. .looC ?he ,sdrawkcab kcaJ
3. Yes, writing quickly leads to self-consciousness for many writers. Actually the same thing I praised in my previous comment (your descriptive language) you've also identified here as something you could use LESS of. I can see that. You've got a knack for it, that much is clear, but I think I can see where some of your extra adjectives/adverbs could be cut to benefit the overall flow. Try trimming some back and seeing how it flies?
I'm trying to do just that, it's just that one of my personal nightmares is becoming one of those people that always says "good", "bad", "walk", and other basic words. Thanks, though. :) I'll try harder.
ReplyDeleteNo, no. I don't mean to water down your word choice. I mean use fewer words to begin with. There's a critical difference. People with good vocabularies (such as yourself) often feel a subconscious need to deploy tons of words at once, which is not the strategy. Do not let your vocab master you...YOU master IT. That's what I mean by "trimming some back."
ReplyDeleteYeah, yeah, I understand. I've actually felt something bothering me for a while and I've been trying to figure out what, and when I read your comment my brain went *DING!* and everything made sense.
ReplyDelete